21 Ways to annoy people

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1. In the memo field of all your cheques, write "for sensual massage".
2. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up".
3. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
4. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
5. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
6. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
7. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.
8. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
9. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
10. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
11. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
12. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Murray Walker voice.
15. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
16. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
17. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
18. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
19. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,99 copies.
20. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
21. Name your dog "Dog".