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  1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them...you are a mile away from them ... and you have their shoes.
  2. I started out with nothing...I still have most of it.
  3. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
  4. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
  5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.
  6. All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
  7. If all is not lost, where is it?
  8. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  9. If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
  10. The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.
  11. I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.
  12. I went to school to become a wit, only got halfway through.
  13. It was all so different before everything changed.
  14. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  15. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.
  16. I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
  17. Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  18. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
  19. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  20. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
  21. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere
  22. Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
  23. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

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