Guidelines for aspiring writers

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  1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  10. One should never generalise.
  11. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
  12. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  13. The passive voice is to be avoided.
  14. Eliminate commas, that are not necessary.
  15. Never use a big word when a diminutive word will suffice.
  16. Understatement is always the best way to put forth earthshaking ideas.
  17. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  18. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  20. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And finally...
  21. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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