A Teacher's Guide To Understanding Your Child's End-Of-Year Report

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Satisfactory progress:

I can't think of a single interesting thing to say about him.

Good progress:

If you think his work's bad now, you should have seen it last term.

Expresses himself confidently:

Cheeky little oik.

Lively:

Thoroughly disruptive.

A sensitive child:

Whiny.

Reliable:

Creep.

Imaginative:

Never short of an excuse.

Easy-going:

Bone idle.

Friendly:

Never shuts up.

Is easily upset:

Spoilt rotten.

Determined:

Lacking all scruples.

Independently-minded:

Obstinate.

Adventurous:

Can't understand why he hasn't broken his neck.

Easily distracted:

Yet to finish a piece of work.

Easily influenced:

Nerd.

Mature expression:

Stop doing his homework.

Enjoys all PE activities:

Thug.

Good with his hands:

Light-fingered.

Works better in small groups:

Damage-limitation exercise.

Works better at practical activities:

Totally illiterate.

A born leader:

Runs the playground protection racket.

Needs praise and encouragement:

As thick as two short planks.

A rather solitary child:

Smells or has nits.

Popular at playtime:

Sells pornography.