What Mum Taught Me

A list by

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: entertainment humor jokes mum fun

Mum taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

Mum taught me RELIGION:

"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Mum taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

Mum taught me LOGIC:

"Because I said so, that's why."

Mum taught me FORESIGHT:

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

Mum taught me IRONY:

"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

Mum taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

Mum taught me about CONTORTIONISM:

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Mum taught me about STAMINA:

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

Mum taught me about WEATHER:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

Mum taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

Mum taught me about HYPOCRISY:

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

Mum taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Stop acting like your father!"

Mum taught me about ENVY:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all ..... Mum taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"I brought you into this world-and I can take you out."